


tequila tequila

by starbirthed



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, M/M, drunk shenanigans ? but it's a one-sided drunk shenanigans, hanamaki is on a mission to save the IKEA monkey, it's 2018 and he REFUSES to let is SUFFER any LONGEr, only PEAK comedy to be found here, this was from a random drabble prompt i found
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14743025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbirthed/pseuds/starbirthed
Summary: Hanamaki appears at Matsukawa's doorstep drunk as fuck and asking to stay the night. Matsukawa says yes, obviously, because Hanamaki was hilarious drunk and a goldmine of memes that were worthy of posting on Snapchat for the population to enjoy. He expects the night to end with Hanamaki's head in the toilet. And it does, but so does something else.And oddly enough? He's here for this development.





	tequila tequila

“I’m drunk.” 

Matsukawa paused, eyes slightly widening as he stared at Hanamaki’s red face. “Yeah, I can see that.” somehow Hanamaki had stumbled to his house. How in God’s name he managed to do that was beyond Matsukawa. But, Hanamaki came over enough that the way was probably ingrained into his drunken skull. 

“Lemmeeee crash here!” Hanamaki pleaded. Matsukawa blinked. There were many pros and cons in letting Hanamaki stay the night. For starters, Matsukawa’s sanity would utterly deteriorate into ashes. His peace of mind? Shatter. His beauty rest? Forsaken. 

But then there were so many  _rewards_ in letting Hanamaki stay the night. He could capitalize on the moment by snapchatting his drunken foolery and saving every video he'd take for blackmail and comedic purposes in the future. Now that was a tantalizing idea. Wiped out all the cons in his book. With a grin, Matsukawa stepped back. “Mi casa es su casa.”

“HOELAS!” Hanamaki cheered, drunkenly stepping into the apartment. Matsukawa coughed behind his hand, holding back a laugh. He was already a fucking  _ riot.  _ He watched with unveiled amusement as his friend trekked through his apartment, bumping into things and yelling at whatever he hit about being a capitalist trying to invade on his freedom to exist. 

“Now listen here you dumb lamp!” Hanamaki had the lamp by its stand, shaking it for good measure. “My grandfather fought in a war and he’s dead but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re being really rude right now!” 

“Dude, it’s a lamp.”

“A capitalist lamp!” 

“No, I got it from IKEA.”

“Oh my God I love Ikea. MATTSUN!” Hanamaki let go of the lamp and whirled around, face still red eyes still wide as saucers and bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “We gotta go.”

“Go… go where?” Matsukawa coughed, his laughter barely contained. He pulled out his phone and opened up the Snapchat app. 

“To IKEA, man!”

“But it’s--it’s 2 in the morning, dude. IKEA isn’t open.” he’s snorting now because Hanamaki looks so  _ crushed.  _ So defeated. He’s gasping, hands to his face and he looks as if someone just told him Santa wasn’t real and his student debt would never be paid off no matter how much money he made. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUT THE MONKEY!” Hanamaki dropped to his knees, now wailing and yes while it was 2am and Matsukawa’s neighbors most definitely hated him for all the noise his friend was making but did he care? Absolutely not. This was comedy goal and not capitalizing on it would be a crime to humanity. Matsukawa zoomed in. You know, to really capture the pain and despair Hanamaki’s going through. 

“MATTSUN!”

Matsukawa snorted, “Y-Yeah, Makki?”  _ hold it in. Stay strong. Don’t lose your shit now _ . 

“We have to save the monkey.”

“E-Excuse me what?” he laughed, unable to hold back. He  _ wheezed _ , inhaling sharply to keep his shit together before he lost it again. “What monkey?”

Hanamaki’s face was dead serious as he rose up from his kneeling, possibly self-deprecating position. He gripped Matsukawa by the collar, causing Matsukawa to hold his phone up so it wouldn’t get knocked out of his hands. “The monkey! The IKEA monkey! WE GOTTA SAVE HIM!”

“What if he doesn’t wanna be saved dude?” he knows there’s no monkey at IKEA. Sober Hanamaki knows there’s no monkey at IKEA. But the universe is working in such a splendid way that sober Matsukawa breaking drunken Hanamaki’s heart was not in the picture. Matsukawa was utterly  amazed at how trashed his friend had gotten from just a few hours of drinking. He always knew Hanamaki was a lightweight but he didn’t know it was this bad. 

Next time Hanamaki went out Matsukawa was definitely going with him. Just so he could witness the descent into utter drunken chaos for himself. 

“But we gotta! We gotta that monkey probably has a wife and kids! Or maybe even a husband and kids I dunno!” he shook Matsukawa who, at this point, was losing his fucking mind. His shoulders jittered and his lips quivered from how hard he was holding back his laughter. He was still snapchatting of course, though at this point the video was probably capturing the top of Hanamaki’s head. 

“You’re right. It’s 2018. Assuming people are heteronormative is  _ so  _ anti-progressive.”

“Right. Right. It’s 20GAYTEEN! The rise of the gays! Oh my God, speaking of--Matsukawa. Matsukawa I have a secret.” 

Uh oh. Matsukawa’s eyes widened. Where was Hanamaki’s train of thought going. Was he going to come out? Ah, no. If that’s the case then he should stop recording. Coming out is a private thing unless Hanamaki wanted it otherwise. Though he doubted Hanamaki would be pleased if such a moment was captured when he wasn’t sober. Or maybe he wasn’t coming out? Because for as far as Matsukawa could remember Hanamaki loved his chicks. But maybe--

He stopped thinking because a pair of lips attached themselves to his mouth. And suddenly he was kissing Hanamaki? Or well, Hanamaki was kissing him? There was kissing? Lots of it. Matsukawa dropped his phone, eyes wide as Hanamaki pressed himself harder, lips moving sloppily against Matsukawa’s frozen lips.

There’s heat and his fingers twitch and he should hold him or he should push him off or he should wait for some Oikawa to pop out of nowhere saying PRANKED YAH! But nope. Hanamaki was still kissing him and after the initial shock went away Matsukawa realized he… didn’t. Actually. Hate it? 

“Ah,” Matsukawa gasped as the realization hit him and then suddenly Hanamki’s tongue was in his mouth and Matsukawa’s brain just… shut down. He gripped Hanamaki’s waist, fingers squeezing and pulled him closer.  _ Fuck it _ , was the eternal mood that settled right into his bones along with Hanamaki’s moan. 

Oh. Wow. That sounded nice. 

Hanamaki pulled back first, much to Matsukawa’s surprising disappointment. His lips were as red as his face and his eyes, they were dilated and swimming with an emotion Matsukawa couldn’t place but he’s sliding it under the rug with drunk debauchery. He feels ashamed, at first, for going with the flow when Hanamaki was obviously drunk. He opened his mouth to apologize when Hamakai spoke. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for like  _ ever _ .” 

“...Oh word?” Matsukawa grinned, eyebrow arching. 

“Word,” Hanamaki’s grin was loose, it spread all the way to his ears and was utterly adorable.

God. Matsukawa was in his  _ feels  _ he had to get out. 

“Also--” Hanamaki raised a finger and Matsukawa waited for whatever else was gonna spill from his lips. He expected words. Instead he got  _ vomit  _ all over his carpet and his feet. “I, I-I’m gonna die.”

Matsukawa looked upwards. Towards the Lord, towards whatever imaginary camera was videotaping the mockumentary that was his life. “I, yeah. Okay yeah. Let’s get you to the bathroom, dude.” because he was a great best friend who would definitely take care of his friend when he was about to hurl half his life out. 

And because he’s such a great best friend, he wouldn’t even get it on Snapchat. 

 

*

 

Matsukawa woke up early that morning because he had a paper to finish before noon and he was currently… on the first page. Great start on his 10-page paper. He yawned, reaching for his coffee as he combed through his several tabs of sources looking for the right quote to ramble on about for a paragraph and a half. He sat at the table for hours, finally hitting page 8 around noon (he made peace with himself that his paper was going to be turned in late and that his professor was going to have to deal with it) when Hanamaki strolled in. 

“You look like death.”

“I  _ feel  _ like death. Why am I not in a coffin? Who allowed me to be in the land of the living?” He groaned, rubbing his face as he made his way to the coffeemaker. Matsukawa chuckled until he remembered last night, and suddenly another cup of scorching coffee to his tongue tasted pleasant. So he did, gulping down a decent amount of coffee as Hanamaki came to sit across him. 

“Count your blessings. You’re not the one who’ll have to spend the afternoon cleaning their carpet of puke.” 

“Ah shit. Really?” Hanamaki grimaced. “Are you sure that wasn’t you, man? I have an iron stomach.”

“There was nothing iron about the way you were hacking last night, dude.” 

“Tch, sounds fake.” though Matsukawa knew this was just Hanamaki’s way of deflecting any and all blame at himself. Matsukawa would poke him about it later. In like fifteen minutes after he finished this paragraph. Comfortable silence fell between the two until Hanamaki spoke up again, though quieter this time. 

“Was that all I did? Ya know…” he waved his hand in a dismissal manner. 

Matsukawa raised an eyebrow. He must mean the kiss. The sloppy messy definitely sober thoughts bleeding into drunk actions kiss. He had half a mind to let it slide. To just play dumb and ignore it and move on and continue in their lane of friendship but at the same time… he didn’t. He couldn’t figure out why but he was, interested? To say the least, in what would happen if he chose door number two and ventured inside. 

Reading Hanamaki’s expressions, the way he fidgeted ever so slightly in his chair and refused to make eye contact, told Matsukawa that he wasn’t the only one who remembered last night. He hummed, raising his cup to his mouth for another drink. Yes, maybe coffee would ease his urges of chaos. 

Matsukawa got up from the table with his mug in hand, seemingly making his way to the coffeemaker. On his way he stopped, bent down, and kissed Hanamaki square on the lips. He tasted like coffee and morning regrets. He tasted even better than last night. Matsukawa pulled back, utterly delighted to see the redness return to Hanamaki’s face. The way he sputtered and immediately lost his shit as Matsukawa calmly walked over to the coffeemaker. 

“Maybe that’ll jog your memory.” he smirked and Hanamaki  _ choked _ . Yeah, yeah this was so very amusing. Matsukawa poured himself another cup as another important moment he forgot the mention ran through his mind.  “Also don’t forget to check Snapchat so we can discuss soberly a plan to free the IKEA monkey from its furniture overlords.” 

“I’M NEVER DOING TEQUILA SHOTS AGAIN!” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by a drabble prompt of a bunch of different sentences. the sentence of course was "I'm drunk" and now here we are. I always love writing this pair, their comedy is TOP NOTCH. hmu on tumblr @passionfruitys so we can yell at each other our underrated ships and love of matsuhana.


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